Saturday, April 17, 2010

Time to Replenish My Energy

This winter has been difficult, I took on more responsibilities than I have resources (energy, for instance) to fulfill and maintain the balance in my life. I am so grateful that I have a little respite throughout our spring vacation to take care of the many little life tasks that have gone untended. Simple things like cutting the grass in in the back yard, making a dump run, organizing the piles on my kitchen table.

Taking on Autumn met an extra hour every evening. It was absolutely worth it. Last Wednesday our vet declared her fully recovered. She is back in the general pasture and that has made such a difference in time available for all the parts of my life. While working on her rehab, I often thought about the fine line between helping and hoarding. I think a hoarder loses their sense of balance, is compelled to overextend more and more, all the while seeking the emotional charge of "saving" while their infrastructure crumbles. I was able to see my "Autumn Project" through with ample resources, except for time.

Over the last few weeks our school district has been struggling with what cuts to make in our budget. We are a very healthy district and yet the California financial fiasco is taking a deep cut into our resources. Twenty per cent of my job is on the list of potential cuts. I am saddened and unnerved, old themes of not having enough are activated. I worry about my horses.

What I hold on to is the deep knowledge that I have come this far on my trail, through considerable hard times, and that each potential crisis truly opened the very gates I needed to pass through. Remembering this, staying present, remembering my varied skills, trusting grace - this has become my daily practice.

Meanwhile, today is clear and the trail beckons. I'm off to see my sweet horses.


Anonymous said...

Autumn seems like a true blessing, despite the extra work - hope your energy balance is restored soon!

Cactus Jack Splash said...

Enjoy your vacation

mj said...

Remember to breathe. Good air in, bad air out! Have a refreshing spring break ... summer vacation is just around the corner!

Lori Skoog said...

Somehow we get through these things. I hope your job remains's too bad worry has such power over our minds. Glad to hear that Autumn has been declared as a healthy, normal pony. She looks so good. I'm sure you will plug away until you catch up...if only there were more hours in the day. I was concerned when you stopped posting.

allhorsestuff said...

Dear heart, I want to say what a wonderful post of a trusting faith and memorial of grace. It is so good to remember the past as we live in the present and look to the future. The past and it's trials... that gave way to perseverance and hope~
You sound good. I heard strength.
I do- dooo love your header too! We both have the beach scene going on there!

Thank you so much for your consoling words about our little Elsie kitten...I found surprising love & understanding through the reading of comments tonight.Tears and a sorrow are giving way to better things...I just really =really get so is difficult to loose them.
Xo thanks again, it meant so much to me to get your words~

Máire said...

I came across your blog recently. It is great! I can really resonate with what you write about scarce resources in terms of time and energy and money too, horses using so much of it. But they give us so much and I hope you enjoyed today's encounter with your sweet horses.


Ishtar said...

I feel you all the way. I'm glad you took on Autumn, despite the extra workload, because she has turned out beautifully!

Michelle said...

What a beautiful sentiment. This is a great thing to keep in mind, even as I'm facing my own level of work uncertainty. Thanks for the reminder to stay present. Best wishes for your own circumstances.