This winter has been difficult, I took on more responsibilities than I have resources (energy, for instance) to fulfill and maintain the balance in my life. I am so grateful that I have a little respite throughout our spring vacation to take care of the many little life tasks that have gone untended. Simple things like cutting the grass in in the back yard, making a dump run, organizing the piles on my kitchen table.
Taking on Autumn met an extra hour every evening. It was absolutely worth it. Last Wednesday our vet declared her fully recovered. She is back in the general pasture and that has made such a difference in time available for all the parts of my life. While working on her rehab, I often thought about the fine line between helping and hoarding. I think a hoarder loses their sense of balance, is compelled to overextend more and more, all the while seeking the emotional charge of "saving" while their infrastructure crumbles. I was able to see my "Autumn Project" through with ample resources, except for time.
Over the last few weeks our school district has been struggling with what cuts to make in our budget. We are a very healthy district and yet the California financial fiasco is taking a deep cut into our resources. Twenty per cent of my job is on the list of potential cuts. I am saddened and unnerved, old themes of not having enough are activated. I worry about my horses.
What I hold on to is the deep knowledge that I have come this far on my trail, through considerable hard times, and that each potential crisis truly opened the very gates I needed to pass through. Remembering this, staying present, remembering my varied skills, trusting grace - this has become my daily practice.
Meanwhile, today is clear and the trail beckons. I'm off to see my sweet horses.